COPING

Well today hasn't been so bad. I have been suffering from the most anxiety and negative thoughts than I have since I came out of hospital. I just feel very low and like I need to stay in control.

My way of achieving this today has been to exist on hard candy and an Ensure. Not the best diet but I feel like if I eat then it'll lead to a binge, and the less 'food' I put in my mouth the easier it is to stay on track. I guess I'm still getting nourishment and energy from the Ensure, and considering what I ate yesterday I could do with giving my body a break. But it's still a bit messed up. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I have a therapist appointment at 10. Usually seeing S makes me feel much calmer and happier. At the moment it feels like an uphill struggle and I am feeling so bloated despite all the laxatives. Not the best day. I just hope I can get to sleep soon and then I won't have to think about food or my body any more. It's pretty exhausting.