GOSH. TAKE TWO.

I THINK THIS POST WILL END UP DEPRESSING. IF YOU DON'T FEEL GREAT DON'T READ.


Well, the thing is, I screwed up. MAJORLY.

19th October - Day after my 26th birthday and I drink. Get hysterical and end up in the mental health centre, attempting to explain myself whilst bashing my hand up and crying wildly.

Obviously as it is in my care plan not to treat me drunk, they sent me home, having notified the police that I may well need taking into custody in the night for my own safety.

Come the next day - I get kicked out by my OH for being such a twat. Proceed to go drunk to my appointment, cut myself REALLY badly in the toilets of my addictions treatment unit, go by ambulance to hospital...lose 2 pints of blood, go into shock, get 50 staples in my right arm.

Not fun.

Plus I still thought my OH had left me, so I went through all this alone.

Ended up being practically sectioned for 2 weeks, i.e. I'm informal unless I attempt to leave the building, in which case I will be immediately detained and sectioned.

Sigh.

I got home this afternoon and all I've done is cry. My weight is crap, I'm unstable, I'm depressed, I'm a mess...but I have to cope. My OH saved me and took me back. I HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK. I HAVE TO.

So from now on, whatever happens with my life/weight/relationship/whatever....I MUST NOT DRINK.

I'm back on the Antabuse and it HAS to stay that way.

I'm sorry to you all out there who worried - I can't summon the energy to read/comment at the moment so massive apologies there. I will do when my brain is functioning slightly better.

To you all, LOVE AND HUGS AND THANKS FOR LISTENING XXX