I will confess that today, no, I didn't do so great.
Seems ironic given my last few posts.
To put it simply:
My parents visited today.
I bought half a litre of vodka
to drown out the pain
drank it all
that's where I am right now.
It's sad, yes. The saving grace is that I spaced it out so much that I am still sober.
The worst part? I let myself down bigtime.
Luckily, I am the only person close to me that knows.
Neither my parents nor my OH know I've had a drink...
To some of you this may seem dishonest
But if you knew that you'd have nowhere to sleep tonight or for the immediate future if you told the truth, would you do so?
Perhaps you would. Perhaps you'd like to think you would.
But I've been there before.
I've had nowhere to go.
I've had noone.
And it's freakin scary stuff.
So right now, I'm going to forgive myself for using alcohol to numb the pain/fear/stress that comes from seeing my family.
And I shall wake up sober tomorrow and continue my abstinence.
Maybe to some of you this is not brave.
Perhaps I seem hypocritical.
But I believe that the difference between me now and the 'alcoholic' me is that I can admit my mistake, be sorry for it, accept that I did wrong, and learn from it...
Most importantly, I will wake up tomorrow EVEN MORE DETERMINED to stay sober and back on the track to the life I want to lead.
This does not have to end in tears.
I'm sorry if there are bloggers out there who believe I am in the wrong,
But to you I say that it is harder to ADMIT to your mistakes and learn from them, than to believe that you are perfect and continue to live a blinkered life.
Love to you all,