MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES

Well, a positive day. I managed to get a two hour walk in with the dog this morning, followed by an hour of strength training. Granted, I then fell asleep for two hours and woke up just in time to take the dog for a wee, whoops!

At the moment I am trying to learn to live within my energy limits, because I am so drained constantly due to the high levels of opioids I am on for pain. It's pretty disheartening sometimes. I managed to read a few pages today but before I started these patches I was easily reading 4-5 books a week. I miss it a lot.

Last week I attempted to cut back my dosage to 10mg/hr (from 15mg/hr), but by the next morning I was in too much pain to play the piano or walk the dog. It sucks, such a horrible balance to get!

So tomorrow when it's time to change my weekly patches, I will again try to succeed on just 10mg/hr, coupled this time with regular anti-inflammatories and paracetamol. I don't hold out too much hope but we'll see. I can also take Tramadol on top if I need to, but it's another opioid and sometimes I feel like I am overloading my system.

I guess at the moment it's about listening to my body, not getting mad when I'm exhausted and need to rest, and taking advantage of the times when I feel well.

Today has been much better eating wise, as was yesterday. Here's today's food:

Approx 10 boiled sweets
Small plate pasta with heaps of veggies in tomato sauce
2 Weetabix
Kiwi fruit
Apple

Not bad, hey?

It's my OH's birthday tomorrow so it's my turn to look after him. Hopefully he will decide on a nice dinner that I can cook for us both, because he HATES eating out. Which sucks because I adore it! That's probably because I am a good cook and do all the cooking in the house, so he sees no need to pay for someone else to...but in my opinion it's a nice break!

Well it's early but I'm going to bed, see if more sleep time makes me less tired! I have been addicted *psychologically* to these OTC sleeping tablets which are basically just strong anti-histamines that cause drowsiness. Even though I doubt they actually work, I have been taking them every night for a year. It is kind of expensive and it's not good for my body...so I'm going to try to cut down and eventually stop altogether. I get paranoid that I won't sleep without them, but to be honest why am I so afraid of being awake at night?! No idea. I guess it's because I started taking them after I detoxed off of alcohol and tranquillisers. Obviously on both of those a night I was totally passed out unconscious and never worried about sleep. So the OTC tablets made me feel safe, at a time when I felt totally overwhelmed having my security blanket taken from me. I guess I've moved on a hell of a lot in the last year and I need to give my body a chance to get into a natural sleep pattern....here's to trying!

As usual the dog has snuck onto my side of the bed whilst I've been on the computer and is looking way too comfortable with his head on my pillow, little sod! He sleeps downstairs at night in the kitchen but he spends all day and evening attached to me. It's kind of touching, the degree of love and devotion he has for me. Not that it's just one way - he is my world, my best friend and a constant source of unconditional love. He really gives me reason to laugh at the goofy things he does :-).