Friday, 15 October 2010


I'm feeling empty tonight. I don't understand why a lot of the time I feel this knawing, hollow pain inside of me, and no matter what I do, it bugs me constantly. When I say pain, I guess I mean mental, I guess I mean sadness and anxiety. Other than that, I'm just great.

On the food front? I managed one meal today. Hmmm. I'll prob have some cereal before bed so that I can sleep. I HATE sleeping hungry, I find it near impossible. Plus my body freaks out if my blood sugar drops, and then I'm struggling with nausea, sweating, shaking, racing heart....not good at night when I'm trying to relax.

At the moment I wouldn't say I'm deliberately restricting much, I'm just not hungry much and if I'm not I don't eat. So I guess that means my intake could be more, but my body just doesn't feel like food. Ever since I started on the pain patches I have definitely had less of an appetite and have lost weight. I keep thinking how cool it would feel to push my BMI down lower, like if it was a point lower I'd feel better. Obviously I know this is bull. If anything I'd feel like crap, tired with no energy, grumpy, cold...right now I'm still well and at a weight where I don't get sick because of it. I just need to stay here!

Anyway, enough rambling...more tomorrow x

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