Monday, 18 October 2010


Ah, nice birthday but hard times.

Well I had a good day but I drank and I didn't let on. So now I feel guilty guilty guilty and scared that I'm going down a baaaaaaaaad road. I know this ALWAYS leads to serious trouble, and serious consequences. I need to get my head screwed back on and sort this mess out.

I'm shattered from drinking and not eating properly. When I drink I can't eat as much because if I let myself then I'll consume SO many more calories than I need, and I really can't deal with weight gain on top of everything else.

So I have another gig tomorrow night. Let's hope I can make it through the day without drinking.




  1. hey, lady.
    first of all, happy birthday, lady!
    i'm thinking why i haven't been here before!! i always follow everyone who follows my blog. hmmm. i found you because i'm inviting everyone to follow my new blog at

    i don't know if i hate myself for lying to myself, but what's frustrating is not liking what i'm doing to myself and doing it anyway. i haven't been to the gym since the month started and i can already feel the pounds creeping on me.
    sigh. i'm pullin' for ya.

  2. Where've you gone? Thinking of you and hope you're ok xx

  3. i've been where you are, many times, and it hurts so badly.

    i'm still caught in some lies, although i'm not drinking or drugging or starving right now. all the lies make us feel so much worse about ourselves.

    i'm new to AA after many years of addiction,and i've always hated people who recommended it in the past, BUT that first step == that we are powerless over drugs and alcoholic is a life saver, i think.

    no matter what you're doing, take the best care of yourself that you can. starving and drinking make a tough cocktail. and then we end up feeling so much worse about ourselves.

    i dream of the freedom from it all

  4. I'm worried. I hope you're ok. xx